The day I was dreading the most for finally came. After returning from our almost week long US East Coast tour of cities like Boston, New York City, and Washington D.C., we had a couple days for ourselves to help her pack her bags and shop for some last minute items.
These last couple days have kept us occupied thinking and working on our relationship, which was becoming harder due to the geographical distance. We both tried to avoid discussing this but deep down, we both knew, we needed to sit down and talk about it. Unfortunately, that “time” didn’t come. We both were a different people back then and “thought” it would work automatically.
Anyway. On the day she was leaving, I had booked a shuttle from Hartford to NYC and the plan was to leave at around 4PM to get to NYC at around 7-8PM and then reach JFK by 10PM for her 1AM flight according to the Eastern time.
We got up in the morning and cooked and ate the breakfast together. She was gracious and kind enough to cook a meal for my roommates as a token of appreciation for letting her stay in the apartment. I loved her that gesture.
The one incident that I still remember from that day was her crying in the bathroom. I was in the living room talking to my roommate and letting them know when I was going to come back from NYC after dropping her off at JFK. That’s when I realized the time and went in my bedroom to check up on her; she was still in the bathroom, so I waited outside for her. The moment she walked out of the bathroom, I realized she was not her normal self and must be something wrong. I inquired once, she said she’s fine. Twice – again the same answer. And the third time too got the same answer, so, unfortunately, I had to drop it thinking that she must be sad that she was leaving me and the US and was going far away.
After the lunch, we waited downstairs for our shuttle to arrive and within a few minutes, we were on our way to NYC. We talked throughout during the 2-3 hour drive and shared many things with each other. We shared our feelings with each other, with the promise to be together and work out this long distance thing pretty soon. Somewhere deep down we both knew it will be a long road and a difficult one too, but the positive part was that the both of us were somewhat ready to take that effort and actually work on the relationship.
Anyway, each passing minute was killing me because I knew, as soon as she gets on that plane, I will be all alone again in this unknown country and I wouldn’t have anyone like her close to me with whom I could share my feelings and emotions. For me, it was a sad thing that she was leaving and I really wanted her to stay with me as she was one of those people with whom I could share literally anything.
Coming back to our journey to NYC, we requested our shuttle guy to drop us off at the Times Square. From there, we got the metro to JFK and that’s when it really hit me that she was actually leaving. Over these many years, whenever I am introduced with the long travel either for myself or my loved ones, I have observed that, it hits me whenever it is actually about to happen. It happened with me when I left Bangalore and India, and here it was happening to me again!
We entered the airport together. We grabbed the cart together, put her stuff on the cart together. Walked towards check-in counter together. Did the check-in together. And then came the hard part. As she was travelling alone, the security and immigration and boarding was going to be done by herself.
This is where we were supposed to part ways.
This is where we were supposed to bid goodbyes.
This is where we were supposed to look each other in eyes and talk.
This is where we were supposed to stop talking with each other in person and start using phones to get in touch.
& so many more things.
It was a heartbreaking moment, to be honest. I wasn’t ready for it, but the time was not going to wait for me and this is true for everything.
I don’t remember what we talked about. I just remember her smiling face and we bidding goodbyes to each other. We said bye countless times, but both of us don’t seem to take the next step. When it was truly the time for me to let her go and continue her journey I took the lead and told her to continue with her journey and hugged her.
As soon as I started hugging her, I noticed her crying immensely at the thought of us parting ways. I, for one, being an emotional person, couldn’t control my tears and joined her in what turned out to be an awkward moment for the strangers surrounding us. Back then, we did not know how long it would be until we meet each other, so that one single hug was the only thing in the world that was binding us together. Both of us didn’t seem to get enough of it. It was a long time before I realized that I must let go and kick start her journey. It was a hard thing to do but had to be done, you know!
As soon as she crossed the security scanner, that was it! There was no turning back and I couldn’t have done anything. I just stayed there, watched her go past the line and get lost in the crowd. Controlling her tears, she urged me to leave, but I waited for her to get past the crowd and take one last look at her, before I continue my journey back to Hartford.
It was a long and emotional day for the both of us and I had nothing but good wishes for her journey back home. I had a few hours of journey myself, but I wasn’t worried about it and was constantly checking up on her and her flight status throughout the night.
When I got to Times Square, that’s when we both realized that we didn’t click a last picture together – which made the last goodbye so more special. It is just in memory and there is no way to see it! For me, that’s the beauty of it.
And just like that, she was gone!
stochasticity 